She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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