Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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