wake up i wanna do it froggy style
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
