Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
