DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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