i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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