Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
