still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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