i permit you to call me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
