I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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