K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
