An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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