FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
