My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
