Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Found your dick twin last night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
