Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
