Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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