ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
