im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
