Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
