i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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