i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
