My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize