I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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