Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
