he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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