I want to make a zoo with you.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
