I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Come share oat with me in your robe
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
