Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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