cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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