Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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