She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
