I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
