I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
