she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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