the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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