You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
