First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
