I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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