Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
