Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
