I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
