Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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