That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You left your phone here
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