We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
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Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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