So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Terrible idea I love it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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