Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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