Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
