I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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