Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea