I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
