Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

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  (404): In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson. http://tfl.nu/jbmm
  Replies (6) Good night (789) Bad night (1800)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.

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  (515): Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life. http://tfl.nu/dizz
  Replies (60) Good night (629) Bad night (5053)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  p.s. you have a small clit

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.

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  (417): p.s. you have a small clit (1-417): YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE. http://tfl.nu/402d
  Replies (45) Good night (1265) Bad night (4473)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt

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  (253): Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt http://tfl.nu/m43s
  Replies (32) Good night (1085) Bad night (5599)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him

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  (541): he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him http://tfl.nu/38fg
  Replies (6) Good night (4241) Bad night (1029)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.

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  (270): Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail. http://tfl.nu/2ou5
  Replies (7) Good night (2873) Bad night (892)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.

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  (970): She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim. http://tfl.nu/tftc
  Replies (4) Good night (877) Bad night (2393)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..

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  (330): he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder.. http://tfl.nu/5whr
  Replies (23) Good night (1060) Bad night (2106)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.

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  (432): I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line. http://tfl.nu/q8nl
  Replies (20) Good night (4524) Bad night (907)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.

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  (724): No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology. http://tfl.nu/e8xh
  Replies (8) Good night (3855) Bad night (669)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.

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  (405): Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out. http://tfl.nu/dhlk
  Replies (9) Good night (1687) Bad night (396)
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  (510): View more from California

  how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?

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  (510): how many people can say they bit their tattoo off? http://tfl.nu/3vcv
  Replies (4) Good night (322) Bad night (1508)
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  (323): View more from California

  I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game

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  (323): I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game http://tfl.nu/sbp7
  Replies (4) Good night (1110) Bad night (337)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries

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  (347): Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries http://tfl.nu/429z
  Replies (3) Good night (920) Bad night (248)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.

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  (503): Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are. http://tfl.nu/rx55
  Replies (4) Good night (810) Bad night (310)

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