doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying