Texts From Last Night

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  (646): View more from New York

  I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me

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  (646): I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me http://tfl.nu/nl48
  Replies (20) Good night (4653) Bad night (919)
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  (+44): View more from England

  I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.

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  (+44): I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment. http://tfl.nu/zeo3
  Replies (37) Good night (7148) Bad night (853)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.

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  (412): I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me. http://tfl.nu/826q
  Replies (131) Good night (14645) Bad night (1332)
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  (607): View more from New York

  he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.

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  (607): he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom. http://tfl.nu/mpyr
  Replies (21) Good night (1019) Bad night (4046)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  eww mummy girl is here...

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.

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  (708): eww mummy girl is here... (931): what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals. http://tfl.nu/7ng0
  Replies (4) Good night (1058) Bad night (3987)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

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  (440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3
  Replies (24) Good night (1916) Bad night (6736)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My vagina just recognized that song.

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  (973): My vagina just recognized that song. http://tfl.nu/3ui0
  Replies (7) Good night (3149) Bad night (826)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow

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  (443): please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow http://tfl.nu/myf2
  Replies (10) Good night (4089) Bad night (1069)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.

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  (913): I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms. (1-913): So you know, I'm making that my facebook status. http://tfl.nu/4s8l
  Replies (24) Good night (7824) Bad night (1239)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.

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  (917): What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered. http://tfl.nu/ygdr
  Replies (7) Good night (1644) Bad night (711)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  your like the ambassador to my penis.

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  (807): your like the ambassador to my penis. http://tfl.nu/t18m
  Replies (8) Good night (1474) Bad night (701)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.

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  (585): Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now. http://tfl.nu/sd9m
  Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (541)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother

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  (201): I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother http://tfl.nu/58tn
  Replies (0) Good night (1275) Bad night (780)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.

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  (775): You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood. http://tfl.nu/925d
  Replies (8) Good night (643) Bad night (280)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!

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  (850): so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u! http://tfl.nu/677z
  Replies (6) Good night (1452) Bad night (284)

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