dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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