No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"