Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Of course I have a pirate flag
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.