I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
