How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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