She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
