How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
