he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
