beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
COCAINE IS GR8
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
