I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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