I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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