My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
