I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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