he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
