that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
