Porn is love you can see.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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