Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
