Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Randomize
