Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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