you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
