Im at strip club and am horny
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
