You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
