I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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