So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
