you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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