Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Randomize
